Based on "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier
There's a pattern most leaders fall into without realizing it. Someone comes to them with a problem, and within seconds they're offering a solution. It feels helpful. It feels efficient. It's also, in most cases, the wrong move.
Michael Bungay Stanier calls this the "advice monster" — the deeply ingrained impulse to add value by telling people what to do. The problem isn't that advice is bad. The problem is that it short-circuits the other person's thinking, creates dependency, and keeps you permanently in the role of the one who has all the answers.
The Coaching Habit offers a practical alternative: say less, ask more. Not through complex coaching models or hour-long sessions, but through seven questions you can use in any conversation — a 1:1, a hallway chat, a project debrief. Questions that keep you curious longer, help people think for themselves, and gradually shift the dynamic from dependency to development.
Bungay Stanier identifies three vicious cycles that trap most leaders:
The more you help your people, the more they rely on you. You become the bottleneck for every decision, every problem, every escalation.
The more productive you are, the more work gets thrown your way. You're rewarded for doing more — until you're doing too much.
The more you get lost in day-to-day execution, the further you drift from the work that actually matters to you and to the organization.
Developing a coaching habit breaks all three cycles. When your team learns to think for themselves, you stop being the bottleneck. When you stop solving every problem, you free up space for strategic work. When you coach instead of direct, the work becomes meaningful again — for everyone.
These questions aren't a rigid script. They're a toolkit — each one designed for a specific moment in a conversation. Together, they form a complete arc: from opening (what's on your mind?) to closing (what was most useful?). Expand each card to see how and when to use it.
When someone brings you a challenge, it usually falls into one of three categories. Identifying which one helps you ask better questions and avoid solving the wrong problem.
The content of the situation — the task, the deliverable, the deadline. This is where most conversations start and where most leaders get stuck.
The people involved — their dynamics, their relationships, their behavior. Often the real issue is here, not in the project itself.
The recurring dynamic — the way this person tends to behave, the way this team tends to get stuck. The deepest and most important level.
After asking "What's on your mind?", follow up with: "Is this more about the project, the people involved, or a pattern you've noticed?" This simple diagnostic prevents you from spending 20 minutes on a project issue when the real problem is a relationship.
Coaching conversations and delegation aren't separate tools — they're complementary. Delegation without coaching creates execution without growth. Coaching without delegation creates insight without ownership.
When you delegate a task to someone in the "Coach" or "Leader" stage of the empowerment model, coaching questions are how you support them without taking the work back. Instead of asking "what's the status?" ask "what's the real challenge here for you?" Instead of offering a solution, ask "how can I help?" The delegation model tells you when to let go. The coaching habit tells you how to stay present without taking over.
→ See also: Delegate to develop: the 5 stages of empowerment
Bungay Stanier is explicit: knowing the questions isn't enough. You have to build the habit. Here's how to start:
Don't try to use all seven at once. Pick the AWE question ('And what else?') and use it in every conversation this week. Notice what changes.
Attach the coaching habit to an existing behavior. Every time someone comes to you with a problem, pause before responding and ask 'What's on your mind?' instead of jumping to advice.
You don't need a formal coaching session. A two-minute check-in with the right question is more valuable than a 45-minute meeting where you do all the talking.
The goal isn't to get to the right answer faster. It's to help the other person develop their own thinking. A conversation that ends with 'I need to think about that' is a success.
'What was most useful to you?' takes 30 seconds and creates a moment of reflection that compounds over time. It also tells you whether your coaching is actually landing.
Use Elev.H to structure your team development conversations, track growth over time, and turn coaching into a consistent practice.